Weekends ruin progress

I need to make it clear that my husband DOES NOT have to stretch me in order for me to use my dilators, it just makes it easier.  With that being said, why the crap can’t I find time in the day to use them? I know I need to. I know that it will speed things along if I do… I just don’t do it.  Unless my husband stretches me, I have no desire to try and use one… it’s just so painful if i have to try and force it without any “warm up”.

Went to sleep this weekend, 2 nights in a row without any stretching. Sigh.  The first night, I was actually feeling very irritated, so I took some Azo Yeast and called it a night. the 2nd night I went to bed just because I couldn’t keep my eyes even if I wanted to.

Last night we did some finger sweeps and stretching and I was able to use the 2nd to largest dilator without much trouble at all.  i left it in for about 10 minutes and let myself get used to the feel of it, and to relax around it.  i decided that even though we skipped two days, I was going to try to use the biggest dilator since I adjusted so well to the other one.  This was a mistake.  I couldn’t get it in at all. Not even an inch (I might have got 1/2 an inch) the best way i can describe it is like I am literally being ripped apart, it burned so bad that I didn’t even try to get it in further.

 

The PT prescribed me Valium to take before I use them, but I don’t take it because I do pretty well without it, and I don’t like the feeling of “needing” drugs to do something… but tonight I am gong to take it and see if it lowers my anxiety, bc after the pain of last night, I am anxious about trying again tonight.

 

I am about to go take a pill and give it time to work before my husband gets home.  I will write tomorrow and report on any success/failure associated with the medicine.

 

 

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