When my doctor diagnosed me, he recommend several tools to use to help in overcoming this condition. One of the tools he suggested was a set of dilators. I had already been doing research on my own before my appointment with him and had actually ordered a set of these because I thought they would help, but they had not arrived yet.
When I got home from the visit with my doctor, I found the package on my doorstep and I remember thinking that the timing was amazing. Had I waited to order them, it would have been another week before i could begin treatment.
I opened the box, and while most women would look in and see tools of pleasure, all I saw was terror. The thought of using these scared me to death. I spasm-ed so hard just trying to insert the 1st one that my vagina was pretty much a panic room. Nothing was getting in there.
I gradually became more comfortable using them, but if I missed a day… If I so much as went 24 hours without using one, we were right back to square one. So I had to force myself to endure this. The burning, the tightness, the fighting to get them in, the fighting to relax was a daily struggle. I had to gradually work up the sizes, and I remember being terrified because my husband is bigger than the largest dilator.. what was I going to do when I got to that point? This fear made me relapse in all the progress I was making.
A year after i started using the dilators, I went back to my doctor to discuss the progress that was being made. i felt like a deflated balloon when I had to tell him that there really was no progress. I was still on one of the small dilators, it still hurt like a thousand needles stabbing me all at one, and the fear still crippled me and hindered any positive experience.
He then suggested another course of action. He told me about a physical therapist who specialized in the pelvic floor and treated women with my condition.